- December 3, 2025
- 5:57 am
Finding God in the Mess, the Tears, and the Unexpected Battles
The last two weeks have been intense, the kind of intense that makes you sit on the floor and wonder, “Lord… why does everything feel like it’s hitting me at once?” (Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”)
I’m a single woman who turned 30 this year, and it’s as if something awakened inside me at that milestone, a deep longing not just for a partner, but for a kingdom partner. Someone to stand beside me, pray with me, fight with me (not against me), and build the future God has for us (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one… For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion.”).
I live alone, and most days I’m okay with it. I’m strong, independent, and handy, I can fix geysers, install toilets, use tools like most people use cutlery. So when I bought a shoe cabinet recently, I thought, “How hard can it be?”
Well… it turns out it wasn’t about skill or logic. It was simply a two-person job.
And standing there with pieces falling over, one part breaking, and tears streaming down my face — the weight of doing life alone suddenly hit me (Psalm 55:22: “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”).
It wasn’t about the shoe cabinet.
It was the realization that sometimes you just need someone beside you, someone who is your partner in purpose, not just in chores. And in that moment, I cried out, “Lord, why am I still doing everything alone?”
But the truth is, only God can write that chapter of my life (Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”).
Only He can send my husband.
Only He knows the timing.
And until then, my job is to work on myself, trust Him completely, and prepare to be the kingdom partner I am meant to be (Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”).
Then the week took a turn I never expected
That Thursday was the anniversary of my brother’s death.
And on Sunday… I was in a car accident.
We were driving on a mountain pass, one side a mountain, the other side a cliff. The roads were wet. I still don’t know exactly what happened. As I braked around the sharp bend, the car slid. I steered toward the mountain, but the car oversteered, and suddenly we were in the bushes, stopped only by God’s grace (Psalm 91:11: “For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways.”).
But the Lord… He was there.
Five minutes later, a truck stopped. People, complete strangers, came to help. They pulled the car out. They were calm, kind, quick to act (Matthew 5:16: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”).
While they worked, I walked to the cliff’s edge. And that’s when I saw it:
A car at the bottom of the mountain.
Someone else had gone over.
And I knew instantly, that could have been us.
But it wasn’t.
Not because I’m lucky.
But because God protected us (Psalm 121:7-8: “The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.”).
And then everything kept piling on…
On Monday, I fell and hurt my hand and knee. By Thursday, the wound was infected. I got antibiotics, which I later discovered I was allergic to. Within a day my eyes were swollen, my mouth swollen, and my tongue covered in blisters (Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”).
Then Monday at the clinic, as the nurse cleaned my wound, I passed out completely.
(Which, honestly, isn’t shocking, I’ve never handled blood well.)
And somewhere in the middle of all of this, on a Saturday morning, everything inside me just broke. I lay on the couch for over an hour, sobbing, unable to move. Worship music played softly, and even while crying, I kept whispering praises to God (Psalm 22:24: “For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Nor has He hidden His face from him; But when he cried to Him, He heard.”).
And then, I heard Him.
I heard My name.
I felt His presence fill my living room.
A supernatural peace settled on me (John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”).
And every part of me knew:
“I am here. You are loved. You will be okay.”
What the Lord showed me
Life felt like it was attacking me from every direction — physically, emotionally, spiritually.
But even in that:
God was there.
In the mess.
In the tears.
In the chaos.
In the breakdowns.
In the fear.
In the confusion.
(Deuteronomy 31:6: “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”)
He never left.
And I truly believe this:
I am close to a breakthrough.
This feels like the enemy’s last attempt to shake me, break me, or silence me (Ephesians 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”).
But I refuse to give him that satisfaction.
I will praise the Lord (Psalm 34:1: “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.”).
I will stand firm.
I will finish the race.
And my life will become a testimony (Revelation 12:11: “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”).
Because even in the week of the accident, God used me to impact people, strangers, helpers, and witnesses, but that story is for another post.
For the woman reading this who feels overwhelmed…
You are not alone.
You are not forgotten.
You are not abandoned.
God is not late.
And your breakthrough may be closer than you think (Psalm 27:13-14: “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”).
He is close to the brokenhearted.
He hears your cries.
He sits beside you in your living room and speaks your name when you feel like you can’t move.
And no matter what life throws at you,
darkness will not prevail (Romans 8:37: “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”).
In part two, I share how the Lord gave me boldness to step out of my comfort zone, connect with people, and trust Him in new ways. Read it here.
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